Friday, September 08, 2006


Did I get your attention? Tee hee. Actually it may not have measured on the National Richter scale but for the past three years an earthquake has cast tremors all over my life, shaking everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. . .except my faith.

I realized that the other day.

The earthquake? Chronic pain. I don't mean the kind of pain that's akin to a fly dive bombing your plate at a picnic either. I'm talking EXCRUCIATING pain. 9.5 on a scale of 1-10 kind of pain, with ten being the worst pain you could imagine. Childbirth was a cinch compared to this pain.

Feel sorry for me yet?

Okay then let me go on. . .see if I can evoke some more sympathy. LOL! Since January of 2004 there has not been ONE SINGLE SOLITARY NANOSECOND where I have not been in physical pain. Debilitating pain that has affected my sleep and altered my usually bubbly personality.

I turned into a whiney, moaney, witch with a capital B right before my husband's eyes. And though there were times I saw him eyeing the shovel and the basement and I knew he was thinking how long it would take authorities to find my body while he zipped off to Jaimaca with my life insurance money, he's been so faithful and kind. Most days. But yet, even my marriage has been shaken. We were a couple who laughed ourselves silly every day. Now scowling and strife defined our marriage up until recently when they realized the cause of my pain wasn't the nerve damage they'd originally thought but a hip dysplasia with an injury that occurred during delivery where my hip was dislocated and my labrum tore. Read: : Labrum. NOT labia. LOL. I do get some amusement seeing peoples faces twitch with the word because most have never heard it and probably think I'm mispeaking. Anyway, I digress, when they realized what the actual unjury was and started giving me REAL pain meds....ahh...for a few months my husband got his wife back and my daughters actually got to know me as I really am.

I'm not sure what my point is to this blog except to say that sometimes it's okay to be shaken. I thank God that He's grounded my faith so that was never affected by the tremors. So now I've had surgery to correct this problem and thank God that it was something they could fix.

So a few weeks post op I show up at church with my walker. I was astounded at the people who swarmed me, mouths agape. "What happened to you?" or "I didn't realize it was THAT bad!"

Yeah. Well, I did. And so did God. I'm pretty private with my pain, and I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. If I say I'm hurting, I'm near death. Seriously. It's the stubborn streak that runs through our family that teaches us to be tough.

But that's not God's way. And I've learned through this that it is much easier to give than to receive. It's HARD to admit we need help. Harder even to admit this has taken a toll on our family.. .our relationship as a couple. BUT, once people know they can pray for you and defeat any place where the enemy would seek to kill, steal and destroy your life or marriage or whatever his target of the time is.

Don't hang tough. Don't hide your pain. Tell SOMEONE you trust. Ask God to send you someone to talk to who will listen more than talk. Who will press in and pray for you and not stop until it's over. Someone who will praise God ahead of time for the victory. Someone who will love you as Jesus loves you and always point you to Him.

Maybe someone out there is struggling with chronic pain. It may not even be physical. Maybe you're struggling with depression. God acknowledges there is such a thing in psalms. Did you know that? He says, "I comfort the depressed." He doesn't send a priest. He doesn't send a pastor. He comes Himself to comfort you. He doesn't condemn you for your pain. His heart is full of mercy and compassion beyone what you are capable of comprehending and He loves you more than you or I could imagine. And believe me, I have a grand imagination.

Just know today that maybe no one knows how deep the pain runs or how far, or how long or how bad it hurts. It's okay. God knows. And He cares.

Blessed be the name of the Lord for His lovingkindness endures forever.

I hate crying in front of people but last night at Discipleship Community God busted me. Someone came up to ask me how I was feeling and you know how bad I wanted to say, "I'm feeling great!"

God whispered, "Why would you lie when they truly want to know?" Gulp. Okay, God.

So I said, "Actually, I'm feeling horrible."

So what happened? I cried my eyes out and a bunch of people prayed for me and though the pain wasn't less than it was when I came there, I knew even more that those people love me.

Something good will always come out of something bad when you trust God with it.

Praying for anyone out there today who's hurting.

He sees. He knows. He cares. Ask Him to show you how much in a tangible way. TELL SOMEONE! Let someone help you. Get prayer! Don't make the mistake I did. My marriage is stronger than it has been in a couple of years, but I know that's because I finally admitted our struggles to a close friends. Well. I Guess I just admitted it to the world but I really think if we as CHristians don't share our struggles we'll scare others away because we become unnapproachable.

I never want to be that.

I want to be there for my friends as they've been there for me.

Go get alone with God and let Him love on you. Just wait for Him. Be still. Be quiet. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in an eternally lifechanging way.

Have a blessed day.


1 comment:

Andrew said...

Now that they know what the real problem is, does that change the prognosis? Can they actually fix anything or offer a different kind of relief? I hope so, for your sake.

To Love, Honor and Dismay