I'm blessed to be in a wonderful critique group filled with outstanding writers, one of whom is multi-published author Lena Nelson Dooley www.LenaNelsonDooley.com
who writes for Barbour and Heartsong Presents. This tip of hers has helped me tons. She says to use your character's proper name every third or fourth pronoun because it personalizes them to the reader more. I think it truly does. Example:
She'd promised herself she'd never come here. Yet here she stood on the edge of the water, trying to make sense of it all. Was this the spot where he met death in the water? Or was it closer to the bridge where the current was swifter? She stepped off sandy banks until her enemy kissed her feet in rhythmic motion. She scanned the deceptive calm, the aqua blue and stepped further out. She let the waves wash over her feet, gently lapping as hot tears flowed down the planes of her face. He's not out there. Peace engulfed her. Sobs wretched forth as she dropped to her hands and knees, liquid grief mingled with the salty sea water. . .the water which pulled her husband from her arms one year ago today. 365 days of torment washed away in His powerful presence. Anger for never having found a body rolled off her heart like the waves off sand. Cleansing joy flooded her.
"He's not in the water." She turned her eyes to Heaven, finally resolved with his fate. . .and her tattered faith. "He's in the clouds, with You."
======
Stella had promised herself she'd never come here. Yet here she stood on the edge of the water, trying to make sense of it all. Was this the spot where he met death in the water? Or was it closer to the bridge where the current was swifter? Stella stepped off sandy banks until her enemy kissed her feet in rhythmic motion. She scanned the deceptive calm, the aqua blue and stepped further out. She let the waves wash over her feet, gently lapping as hot tears flowed down the planes of her face. Stan's not out there. Peace engulfed her. Sobs wretched forth as Stella dropped to her hands and knees, liquid grief mingled with the salty sea water. . .the water which pulled Stella's husband from her arms one year ago today. 365 days of torment washed away in His powerful presence. Anger for never having found Stan's body rolled off her heart like the waves off sand. Cleansing joy flooded her.
"He's not in the water." Stella turned her eyes to Heaven, finally resolved with his fate. . .and her tattered faith. "He's in the clouds, with You."
==========
Okay that was a bit rough, because I typed it really fast and no doubt it has POV violations but you get the jist.
============
Blessings,
Squirrel
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment