The Canine Tumble aka Blushing Dog

ROFL! My dog fell asleep on the back of the couch, was dreaming and rolled off! LOL! Thankfully he tumbled forward onto the cushioned part rather than backwards onto the floor because he landed before he was fully awake. It's been like ten minutes and poor thing is still laying there looking embarrassed and befuddled...like he's still not sure what completely happened.

He's so cute!

I'd love to hear about your favorite pet antics. Talk away! :-)

He needs counseling...

My poor dog.

He is so attached to me that he cannot stand to have me do ANYTHING other than pay attention to him straight time.

I played with him ALL morning then settled in to write.

He started dropping chew toys on my keyboard. I threw them for a long while and far enough each time that I hoped to wear him out so he'd take his nap.

But NOOOO. He kept dropping slimy toys on my fingers as I tried to type. I started hiding his chew toys. He totally freaked out. Huffed at me and started digging in the couch like it was a pile of dirt because I guess he smelled his toys. I'd stuffed them deep in the crack.

While he was busy in Plan B attempt to chew my sectional into shreds to rescue his toys, I took that opportunity to type.

He wised up and did what you see in the picture above.

Yes, threw half his body over my keyboard so I would stop typing and pay attention to him.

I am SO ready for this dog to take a nap so I can finish my proposal.

In the meantime, here's a small glimpse into the glamorous life of a writer battling chew toy slime and dogs with serious cyber-rivalry.

Off to write....


Cheryl Wyatt

Holiday Eating Tips

THIS CAME TO ME IN AN E-MAIL. NO IDEA WHO ORIGINALLY WROTE IT, NOR WHO WROTE THE QUOTE, OTHERWISE I'D CREDIT THEM.

ENJOY!


HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a Merry Christmas!

Christmas Meme

Robin Miller aka Caroll sent me this. Scary how much alike we are.

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you......Tis the Season to be NICE! HO HO HO

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Bags for adults, paper for kids because I love watching them tear into it

2. Real tree or Artificial? Are you kidding me? Artificial...with lights embedded

3. When do you put up the tree? Uh, when we get to it (yeah...I'm stealin her answer)

4. When do you take the tree down? close to the next Christmas...LOL

5. Do you like eggnog? Not by itself

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Bicycle

7. Hardest person to buy for? Husband

9. Do you have a nativity scene? um...I think 1 in every room. lol

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail sometimes but normally on Christmas eve. LOL

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My mom playing Wonderwoman off a deep freese and breaking her arm

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Frosty the Snow Man...makes me cry EVERY TIME

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I try to be done by October because I hate fighting the crowds

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, for those gift exchanges that require the gifts to be used (Ditto)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I hafta pick ONE? Mom's dressing, Turkey & Granny's Fudge

16. Lights on the tree? all white lights

17. Favorite Christmas song? Little Drummer Boy bc I love the story behind it

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay in the area at his parents' or mine' but go North before or after to see his fam

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Uh...let's see...Dixen, Blitz, Donner, Bonnie, Vixen, Trixie, Mixin', and then there's the rude one who probably got punched in the nose...I've probably massacred this...so NOOOOO I can't remember them. And now it's BUGGING ME.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Right now my daughter's homemade glittery multicolored popsicle stick star (very pretty!)

21. Open the presents Christmas eve or Christmas day? Christmas morning and one each on Christmas eve

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? too commercialized and it starts right after Halloween-groan (Again, I'm plageurizing Robin) I hate the long lines at stores if I happen to need something.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? ones the kids made me and one that is a snow globe of Santa bowing to worship baby Jesus in a manger

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I think I already answered this or else I'm in a time warp vortex...dressing

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Robin said a MAC and I'll just use part of her answer.. A Big Mac. LOL! I want the Twilight books and the Fireproof Love Dare book. I'd also like a new pair of microfiber slippers and there is this set of baking dishes at JC Penny that you can cook and serve them in the same platter..YEAH!

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Those practicing avoidance techniques. :-D Ditto...DITTO!!!!

Cheryl

A THANKSGIVING FUNNY

THIS CAME TO ME IN AN E-MAIL. THE BLONDE IN THIS STORY IS NOT ME. I REPEAT, SHE IS NOT ME. LOL. ALTHOUGH THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE SOMETHING MY FAMILY WOULD DO TO ME THAT I WOULD FALL FOR.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND ENJOY!

PREGNANT TURKEY STORY

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided
to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the
stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and
re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven
and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit
something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia,
you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Yep.................SHE'S BLONDE!

This is hilarious...and kewl

Cha Cha Slide USMC Style


http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=45911239

BE SURE TO HAVE YOUR SOUND ON! :-)

This made me laugh. I love how they can relax from service and have a good time. The endearing and funny part to me was how each of them eventually joined in...like it was contageous.

Enjoy!

And remember to pray for our troops!

Cheryl

36 BLONDE THINGS-SAD BUT TRUE AND NO SURPRISE

Got this meme in an e-mail. Sigh. The person who sent it to me had only done 22 of the 40 Dumb Blonde things.

Sigh. I've done 36.

Ok, so here's what ya do: mark your answers with a little 'x' inside
the boxes if its true, but BE HONEST (I was)!! Then send it to all your
peeps and make them laugh.

1 [x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
2 [x]Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
3 [x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
4 [x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. (not a plane, thank God) <-my emphasis
5 [x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave
you weird looks
6 [x] You have ran into a tree
7 [] It IS possible to lick your elbow
8 [x] You tried to lick your elbow (not until this dumb test)
9 [x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
have the same rhythm
10 [x] You just tried to sing them
11 [x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen
12 [x] You have choked on your own spit
13 [x] You have seen the the Matrix and still don't get it.
14 [x] You didn't notice that in the last question 'the' was spelled
twice
15 [x] You just looked at it
16 [x] Your hair is blonde
17 [x] People have called you slow ALOT!
18 [x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
19 [x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes
20 [x] You have caught yourself drooling
21 [x] You've fallen asleep in a laundry basket
22 [x] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
23 [x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking
about-(too often)
24 [x] People are often shaking their heads and walk away from you
25 [x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice'
26 [x] You use your fingers to do simple math
27 [x] You have eaten a bug (WASN'T MY FAULT. MOUTH OPEN ON MOTERCYCLE. NUFF SAID)
28 [x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something
important.
29 [x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't
realize it
30 [x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your
hand or pocket
31 [] You sometimes post emails because you are scared that what they
say will happen to you if you don't, even when you know it won't happen
to you, like on a myspace...
32 [x]You break a lot of things.
33 [] Friends know not to use big words around you
34 [x]You sometimes tilt your head when you're confused
35 [x] You have fallen out of your chair before
36 [x] When you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the
texture of the ceiling/wall
37 [x] The word 'umm' is used many times a day
38 [x] You called a friend and then completely forgot what you were
gonna say
39 [x] You have spelled your name wrong
40 [] You have drawn a disformed heart (huh? I don't get this one-lol)

Send to all your friends and the person you got it from. Repost as:'I've
Done 36 of the 40 Blondest Things." tee-hee.

Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois

Since Illinois is currently home to me and where my Wings of Refuge Series is set, I found this Forward to be hilarious...and oh-so-true!


Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois :
- If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
- November through March, you might live in Illinois
- If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Illinois .
- If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Illinois
- If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Illinois .
- If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Illinois .
- If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Illinois
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN:
1. Vacation means going north or south on I-57 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You drive 65 mph through a raging blizzard, with out flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, and it's Hot.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce.
13. 'Down south ' means Missouri .
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0 degrees a 'little chilly.'
19. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance.
20. You do not consider Chicago to be a part of Illinois
21. A 'hill' is any landmass higher than 20 feet above sea level
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Illinois friends. What's not to understand?

Another funny for you---Kids on Surgery

Something else that came to me via e-mail. It'll tickle your funny bone.

Cheryl



Kids on Surgery


Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'

The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.'

The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'

The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'

'WHOA!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that one when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.

This is "wet your pants" funny!

I found this in my e-mail box from a friend who not only described it as "funny" but "wet your pants" funny.

I thoroughly agree. ESPECIALLY if you are a pet owner.

Enjoy!




Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...





8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!



10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!




5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!




Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.





Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Jerks.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

Funny Typo Day

Okay so it's not an official holiday...except in Seekerville.

But, humor me okay? LOL!

I'm guestblogging in Seekerville today.

Zip on over to hear (and contribute to) a list of funny typos I've done and read lately. Come on y'all...don't let me be embarrassed alone.


Thanks all!

Cheryl Wyatt

Wacky Wednesdays--Theft Problem--IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

I'm sorry but, as a woman heading into middle age, this was too funny not to pass along.

Cheryl


Theft Problem - IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P. S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on.

P.S.
These same thieves come in my closet and shrink my clothes! How do they do it????

MISCELLANEOUS MONDAYS-APHORISMS AND ADAGES

THIS CAME FROM SOMEONE IN MY LOCAL WRITERS' GROUP. NO IDEA WHO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR IS OR I'D CREDIT THEM.

ENJOY!

Cheryl Wyatt


APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE, CLEVER OBSERVATION; A GENERAL TRUTH OR ADAGE
1. The nicest thing about the future is it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that, at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who anxiously awaits his 16th birthday.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM: It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team's winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize in about 40 years we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Kia..
19. After 70 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead .
20. Adage - byword (a condensed but memorable saying embodying some important fact of experience that is taken as true by many people)

Wacky Wednesdays-The Difference Between Men and Women

I'm doing amusing (at least to me!) stuff on Wednesdays on my blog. Wacky Wednesdays will also include Funeez, Fru-Fru Forwards, and my Famous (Ha-ha!) Blush & Cringe.

THIS CAME TO ME IN AN E-MAIL. NOT SURE WHO THE AUTHOR IS OR I WOULD ACKNOWLEGE THEM.

ENJOY...IF YOU DARE. LOL!

Warmly,

Cheryl Wyatt



MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw
in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and
none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and
toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the trash,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her chil dren. She
knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite
foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no
use in two people
remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and
who can handle it
... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Southern Friends

I'm still unable to drive following a motor vehicle accident and resulting surgeries, but once I'm able to make it to the Post Office regularly (we don't have courier pick up here) I will begin the Free Book Fridays where I'll give away a free Steeple Hill book EVERY FRIDAY to one lucky blog commentator.

In the meantime...thought I'd share this.

One of my best Southern friends sent it to me (waving to Robin Miller w/a Robin Caroll). I appreciated it since I moved from the West to the Southern tip of a mid-western state.


FRIENDS" VS. "SOUTHERN" FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the
food. And lots of it.

FRIENDS: Will say "hello".
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big
hug and a kiss. More than one.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents
Mom and Dad, and often.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you. And for you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours
there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
Then do the dishes before leaving

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book
with direct quotes from you. And most of the
time know you better than you do yourself.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's
what the crowd is doing.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole
crowd's back-ends that left you, then walk
beside you in the front of the crowd.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and
say, "Are you home?" If you are not home, they will wait.

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life. And then some.
I have been Blessed with SOUTHERN FRIENDS

As Robin says so well....LOVE Y'all!

Cheryl Wyatt

Miscellaneous Mondays--Dandy Definitions

Since I'm reformatting the way I do my blog posts, I'll only be posting three days or so a week. Miscellaneous Mondays will be just what it says. Random stupid stuff and personal updates.

Speaking of...I've had two more minor surgeries since my recent wreck in April. And though I'm still on crutches trying to progress to a cane, I'm healing well. Still not full weight bearing or able to drive, but much improved from a month or two ago. Thanks for all of your private words of kindness and prayers. I know He hears.

Now, presenting the first Miscellaneous Monday post:


THIS CAME FROM SOMEONE IN MY LOCAL WRITER'S GROUP. NOT SURE IF I HAVE POSTED IT BEFORE. IF SO, IT'S FUNNY AND BEARS REPEATING.

ENJOY!

CHERYL WYATT



ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they die.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

THIEVIN MEMES! HE HE HE

Pssst! I snitched the meme Camy stole from Danica...

Shhhh! LOL!

1. What is your occupation? Full time writer and RN (That's Real Nerd in case you were wondering. Though my license is still active, I'm taking a leave from nursing at the moment.)

2. What color are your socks right now? Tan and I only have one on since my other foot looks like the Terminator. I'm wearing an Air Cast because I have a broken foot/ankle.

3. What are you listening to right now? My crotchety air conditioner which doesn't seem to be cooling me down. I'm sweating. Bleck!

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Hubby ran to the border for Taco Bell.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Learned at age 12 but not lately. I detained an ambulance the last time I tried. Just ask my sister Lisa to tell you the (terrible and funny!) story.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Fuschia. Is there a fuschia?

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My hubby....from the other room! LOL! We're bad. Hey...gimme a break. I have a broken leg and didn't feel like crutching across the other side of the house to ask him something.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I love the persons I stole this from.

9. Favorite drink? English Breakfast tea with milk (whole). OH MY! I CAN STEAL THIS ANSWER TOO! I LOVE sweet English Breakfast Tea...but boiled milk. Got hooked on that in India.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? Cricket! Have to practically leave the country to do so though. WHY CAN'T WE HAVE CRICKET IN THE U.S.?! I'm pouting over that.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Not me. But recently I was lamenting the fact that I hadn't had a hair cut or highlight since my wreck because I can't drive. So my sister-in-law Tammy came to my rescue. Dragged me to the car, hauled me to the mall and made a hair appointment for me! I'm thankful for friends and women who understand the vanity of three bad hair months in a row.

12. Pets? Just got a brand-new dog named Cricket!!! And still have three guineas named S'more, Suger Bug and....dang...can't remember the last one's name! Shhh! Don't tell my kids. I think it's name is fudge. Oh man....am I ever in trouble here...

13. Favorite food? Melted cheese and Ribeye steak...just not together. LOL!

14. Last movie you watched? Can't recall the name but it was about a silly old man and a big veggie eating rabbit who terrorized a town. No I'm not kidding.

15. Favorite Day of the year? Valentines' Day since I'm a romance writer and it's also my birthday.

16. What do you do to vent anger? ROFL! I had to laugh at Camy's answer because my answer is identical...call Camy or Robin or my sister Lisa.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? My motercycle and my gun.

18. What is your favorite season? Spring

19. Hugs or kisses? Kisses from hubby and my family's hugs

20. Cherry or blueberry? Cherry dip from Dairy Queen.

21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Please be kind and spare me....I get 200 e-mails a day....not Spam.

22. What are you reading? JANET DEAN'S DEBUT HISTORICAL!!!!! Courting Miss Adelaide from Steeple Hill Historical!

23. What is on the floor of your closet? Clothes and shoes and probably a colony of dust bunnies have settled there since I haven't been able to vacuum in there or clean it out in three months.

24. Favorite smells? Hubby's cologne, meat grilling on charcoal, fresh-cut grass and newborn babies after a Johnson's bath, and my granny Nellie's coffee-gravy porkchops cooking. Grandma Veda's breakfast. Mom's Enchilada pie and barbequed spareribs.

25. Who inspires you? God and my mom and my grandmother Veda and my grandmother Nellie. My faithful blog readers and book fans, and all the wonderfully gifted women in my life. Brenda Stritzel, Marcie Scheumaker, Renee Morgan, Lisa Davis, Danica favorite Mcdonald, Pammer James, Camy Tang, Carmen Kretcji, Amanda Paull, Jennifer Darling, Jesse Sayer, Terri Kessinger, Mia Davidson, Tammy Wyatt, Michelle Patula, Becca Dalton, Melissa Purdy, Debbie Roberts, Cheryl Rose, Casheena Stephens, Val Tao, Aimee Williams and her mom and sister. Alma, Terrilynn, Jolina, Aunt Linda and Aunt Anna and this list could go on forever...

Also, Corrie Ten Boom, Mother Teresa, Jackie Pullinger To, and other great women of faith and who stood up for the helpless.

26. What are you afraid of? Loss

27. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Cheese

28. Favorite car? ANYTHING NASCAR!!!

29. Favorite cat breed? Siamese

30. Number of keys on your key ring? I haven't driven in three months so I have no idea where my keys are. Car's totaled anyway.

31. How many years at your current job? 20 years nursing...nearly 10 years writing.

32. Favorite day of the week? date nights with hubby and church day and family nights with the kids and Thursday small group and Saturday prayer group...okay I guess that about covers it. LOL!

33. How many states have you lived in? Let's see...California's 1, New Mexico's 2, Oklahoma's 3, Illinois is 4, Panic is 5, Confusion is 6, Physical Duress is 7 and Boredom is 8. LOL!

34. Do you think you're funny? No, but other people do. Which I guess is better than thinking I am and other people don't. LOL!

35. New Year's resolution? To lose weight. Right. I'll just keep that cause it's Camy's answer. I have gone UP a size since my wreck and I'm totally depressed about it. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO LOSE WEIGHT!

36. Favorite vacation? Cruise with sister. Disney with the fam and to India orphanages, leper colonies and widow Dalit communities. Vacations with family growing up to see extended family members. Trips to Oklahoma and California from new Mexico. Could have done without the gigantic Arkansas mosquitos though.

37. Dream Vacation? Cruises with family and hubby alone to Hawaii

Psych Saturday-CAT CHRONICLES

Here's the part where I'm supposed to say, "Welcome to Psych Saturday!" Then I bring you the latest news from Refuge...the fictional setting for Cheryl Wyatt's Wings of Refuge Series with Steeple Hill.

BUT, here's the deal....

I'm ticked. Royally, hissingly, hair-raisingly, claws-out-to-the-max ticked.

Celia TRIED to get a dog. A DOG!


Why, that's like your husband trying to come home with a creature from Saturn at breakfast who would love to gobble your children by lunch.

Worse, he acted all sweet UNTIL she turned her back. Then he says, "It's my way or the highway, cat. I'm the boss here now."

HSSSSS!!!!!!! Spat! Spat! Spat! (That's Christian kitty cussing in case you didn't know.)

SOMEBODY FEEL SORRY FOR ME....PUH-LEEZ. And worse! The thing has (ewe!) fleas!!!

Sigh.

I need tuna.....slinks away....lots-n-lots of tuna......


Psych the slinky

PERSPECTIVE

THIS CAME FROM SOMEONE IN MY LOCAL WRITERS' GROUP. NO IDEA WHO ORIGINALLY WROTE IT BUT I WISH IT HAD BEEN ME. LOL!

ENJOY!

CHERYL WYATT AKA SQUIRREL


It's all in the way you look at it.....
1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt !"

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:

"Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goes."

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"



11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear

Psych Saturday-CAT CHRONICLES

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*
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Hello again folks.

Here's the latest, greatest Refuge News:

The Drop Zone officially belongs to Pararescuer Joel. Yep. It's located on the edge of town AND on the outskirts of a (fictional) military base. The PJs are going to use it for military training purposes on some days as well as it being for civilan skydiving the other days.

Celia ACTUALLY jumped from a plane. I won't tell you what all she said on the way down but apparently, Amber was waiting at the bottom with a video camera and a bar of soap.

She's not sure she'll do it again. I'm sure Manny will talk her into it. Javier is actively recruiting buddies to join him in the Air Force boot camp after he gets out of school. He's been bringing the guys and their parents to check out the Pararescue recruitment video.

Cheryl Wyatt (this blog owner) said to tell you she's been blogging sparse because she's finishing up two contracted novels...one of which she sent through The Shredder (her crit partners...LOL) this week.

In the meantime...she has me proofreading. See me up there? Hardy-har-har.

Want to (Seriously) learn more about Pararescue?

Check out this link, or simply Google "Pararescue":


Pararescue dot com

That's all he wrote for today....

Psych